Trouble Doesn't Last Always

Hey Ladies,

I have to be honest. I feel inclined to open myself to you in an intimate way.

Last year, life hit me like a ton of windy waves against the shore. It had me unsteady and my foundations cracked. It left me jolted by an array of heavy emotions and the harsh requirement to keep on living amidst such drastic experiences that had me weighed down.

I found myself a shell of myself. Barely moving thru my day. A depression set over me and I couldn't move from my sofa. All I wanted to do was sleep yet there was no time. On some of my hardest days, I just wanted a hug.

I was detached. Detached from my body but circumstances made sure I wasn't detached from the harsh reality before me. I dragged myself through each day. Forced food in my mouth. I stopped laboring to smile. I had become undone. I felt my body betrayed me. And I felt the cold of being alone and lacking physical connection and compassion.

The story I was living was my own. Not one person who stayed on the phone with me could truly help. This was a battle all my own. The only way through it was through it. I pulled on all the good sense I had. The years of spirituality. Every self-love and compassion technique I knew and I began to rebuild. Somedays my son was my only motivation. Some days I couldn't muster strength for myself. Somedays it felt easier to simply, stop. I know I scared my family but they smiled and kept taking my calls being the brave face I needed.

I write these words because this was my silent story. One very few knew what I was encountering. This was my story alone, me and God. And to be honest, I'm still rebuilding a life of hope after an ordeal. I share this side of myself because maybe you too or someone close to you is walking through a hopeless, trying season. One where your full self hasn't been present for quite some time.

These days, I am much better. My heart is light and fear no longer grips me. I am full of hope and love feels sweet. These days I have reconnected to my body in a way that feels true for the woman I have grown to be. My mind is sharp, my whitty-bubby personality has begun to resurface. I now have extra space to hold for the women I serve seeing now that my own cup is full. I walked through 6 months of severe uncertainty and had to rebuild my life in a way that feels joyful and true.

As always, my words are meant to inspire not cause heartache. I think overcoming my own battles makes me a greater teacher of personal empowerment because I know so intimately the journey, the healing, and the reformation. I have been speaking with other women who too have had silent battles that they cant seem to escape. One of a sweet friend who on the surface looks joyful, calm and well put together but under the surface she sleeps in her closet because the confinement feels safe. My heart bursts for her and women alike. We deserve true peace and deep joy. To simply feel comfort and safety living our lives.

I hope my sharing these words, bless you. And help you to find your own glimmer of hope to hold on to. Sometimes circumstances make it hard to progress forward as we'd like but baby, let me assure you, a brighter day can always be had. I wanted to encourage you to know you're not alone in your journey. To be a reminder to you, that God is a redeemer and brings healing to our hearts.

Most of all, I wanted you to hear today that you are so valued and so loved.  Trust your process. Open yourself to receive support. And know that It may seem bleak now but the sun always shines again, I am living proof.

There is community here for you. Regardless of if this is a dark season for you or a sunny season. I am here to support you, just reach out.

With love,

Ms. Sasha